Receiving spam in my personal e-mail account seems like a common occurrence. However, receiving spam in my school account does not usually happen. On Tuesday, I opened up an e-mail with the title, "I'm waiting for your reply." Uh-oh, I thought. Did I forget to respond to a parent or to an authority figure? As I opened the correspondence, though, I felt a bit of confusion. I have indicated my internal responses in italics. Dear bobbie.serensky. You need to learn to capitalize. How are you? Confused. I hope my letter
finds you in a good mood. Why? What do you have planned for me? I liked your profile and I would like to continue
our communication. What profile? What communication? I do not even know your identity! Please, tell me a few words about you. Confused, busy, tired. How do you usually
spend your free time? Reading weird e-mails like this. Do you like animals? Actually, I have severe allergies to most animals. Thanks for asking. I guess? I would like to meet a reliable
and kind man. So would I! But...why do you find it necessary to share this with me? I want to trust him. (Giggling to myself, but beginning to feel uneasy.) Um, okay. I want to
create a big and loving family. How does this have anything to do with ME? It seems to me, that you can become my
man. Hold on. What?! I see something particular in you. You do? I do not even know you! Where, exactly, do you "see" me? You know, it is like an invisible
thread, connecting us. I do not think you can feel this with any certainty. I do not know you, and, more importantly, you obviously do not know my gender. I really hope, that you feel the same,
dear! I. Do. Not. In fact, I feel really awkward right now. This whole note seems creepily personal, yet way off the mark. Sincerely yours,
Svetlana. I do not know you, Svetlana. Why do you think that you know me? What a strange e-mail to receive! I kept wracking my brain to figure out how I got this e-mail. What new contact had I made in the course of the past week? And then it occurred to me this afternoon--I know Svetlana! Blogger employs her as the voice behind the letter and number decoder.
Sorry, wrong gender!
ReplyDeleteGive her: adamshoemaker.13@chagrinstudents.org
ReplyDeleteSvetlana... Sounds foreign!
ReplyDeleteThis entertaining perspective on spam reminded me of a time I worked on the other end of the electronic harassment. Confession time: Claire Barcelo, Katie McCormack and I entertained ourselves with 2 fake google accounts for the majority of our junior year of high school. Nearly everyday, we met in the science office and spammed chagrin students based on their easily determined given school gmail addresses from janelaneonaplane@gmail.com and hairymarylikesdairy@gmail.com (entire truth). We sent out mass messages with the subject "Urgent" and a brief "Respond immediately" (we suprisingly received multiple responses). We harassed Simon Schiferl about a suffering litter of kittens. We pretended to be ivy league school admissions staff. The possibilities had no limits. This continued for many months, until we got word that one of our favorite targets, Meghan Judge, had reported us to Mr. Ast. She had received many threatening emails from Hairy Mary, who was dissatisfied with her lack of response to a question concerning an iPad raffle. We panicked, and deleted both accounts, never to recover them. But Jane Lane and Hairy Mary's spirit lives on, so, in a sense, I must admit:
ReplyDeleteI am Svetlana.
Look, Molly Ringwald!
ReplyDeleteYour interaction with Svetlana reminds me of a conversation I had with a saleswoman today while I shopped for Christmas gifts. As I perused the trinkets of William Sonoma, she trailed me, like any overly eager neck-breather, questioning what types of gifts my family would enjoy and where I bought my boots. All of a sudden, she points to my brother, Brendan, and claims that we are a lovely couple, clearly not understanding our sibling relation. Well, long story short, she questioned us on our holiday plans, if we had children, and other really uncomfortable questions not meant for a brother and sister. Another case of a mistaken identity... I guess?
ReplyDeleteGender confusion welcome to my every day life. Ha Ha Ha
ReplyDelete