Who Needs Friends When You Have AP English?

Humans may never have written truer words!  Well, at the very least, Kate G. has written these words, and I have chosen to use them as the title of my survival guide. 

Before your anger and jealousy towards Kate sprout their ugly heads, know that I have chosen ten essential tidbits from various bloggers as the core of my survival guide.  According to my calculations, that will leave 28 bitter individuals who feel the sting of rejection.  And according to even further calculations, 28 represents a fairly low level of bitter AP English 12 students on any given day.

Suggestion #10:  Claire K. notes, "DO NOT skip the annotations on one third of a summer reading book.  For both summers, if you neglect a book, the universe automatically leads Ms. Serensky to 'randomly' choose that book and she will destroy you for it."  The notion that I can "destroy" anyone seems like a completely irrational way for students to stir up unnecessary drama.  All AP English students graduate, and all of them end up with A's and B's.  However, no one wants to start AP English in the gutter, so make sure you attend to your summer reading with meticulous precision.


Suggestion #9:  Abby advises, "You need to write fast. If you want to have success in this class, write like a rabid dog wants to eat your words."  Well put, Abby!  I like the urgency that your simile indicates.  Keeping a dangerous, froth-mouthed animal in mind will inspire just the right amount of speed to finish any task with "flex time" to proofread.  Future students, also note how Abby utilizes a literary technique to create a desired effect.

Suggestion #8:  Katie W.  perceptively states, "DO be the first person to say, 'Bless you,' when Ms. Serensky sneezes. She appreciates it… I think?"  You think correctly, Miss Katie!  In fact, I noticed this about myself just this week.  I think it makes me feel like someone cares about my well-being.  Most of the time, I feel exactly the opposite.  Maybe I should keep some pepper at my desk for those moments when I feel sad and alone...

Suggestion #7: Celene offers, "Do not let bees sting you. If one stings you, the fault belongs to you. Suffer in silence."  Most of the time I would advise students to "suffer in silence."  However, in regards to The Bee Incident:  I.  Did.  Not.  Know.  That.  Happened.

Suggestion #6:  Meghan points out, "Some days, you’ll find yourself sitting in perfectly arranged rows feeling like a Chinese student about to take the SAT in Beijing.  Score high, future student, score high."  Yet another student who can effectively employ a simile!  I sure do cultivate my crop well!  (Notice my use of metaphor. My job as a role model never ends.) In all seriousness, though, when students freak out when I position the desks in rows, they need to get a grip.  I create daily activities in the circle formation which equally test your skills.  Enjoy the elbow room the rows provide!

Suggestion #5:  Jessica recommends that you "always laugh at Ms. Serensky’s jokes, even if they prove questionable.  And when she starts laughing, you start laughing."  I have a serious issue with this one because I would call humor one of my fortes.  If you people do not appreciate my jokes, the problem lies with you, not me! 

Suggestion #4:   Derek urges future students "to laugh at things that others may deem cruel, unusual and most definitely awkward. For example, strangely located tattoos, dying horses, and abnormally large ladies facing terrifying circumstances involving men with pig faces, now prove side-splitting funny to students of AP English."  Exactly!  How could anyone not find these things funny?!  Even now, I heartily chuckle at these anecdotes.  So, yes, AP English DOES require a sense of humor.  Obviously, I appreciate a jolly classroom atmosphere which my students apparently fight against.

Suggestion #3:  Bradley advocates, "Despite any circumstance, DO NOT stutter or jumble your words. Often times, this can lead to the rapid heating of the face, which only attracts the glaring looks of the rest of the class. Unfortunately, among that crowd sits the grinning face of Ms. Serensky trying to hold back her amusement."  Like I said, what a jolly classroom atmosphere!  In fact, I really question why anyone would NOT want to partake in the class.  Seems to me like loads of laughter happen every day!

Suggestion #2:  Vicki warns future students to "learn to deal with failure.  Let your failures shape you, not only into a better writer, but also into a better person.  Believe it or not, English class will change you.  For good.  (Almost) like magic."  "Almost?  Almost?!"  Why, dear Vicki, magic abounds in the AP English classroom!  How an astute farmer like you does not see this shocks me.  Of course, it does take a prolonged amount of time to teach young adults to believe in the magic of failure, but I think that by the time graduation rolls around, most people believe.

Suggestion #1:  Elizabeth  expertly discloses that '“Team”' may not have an 'I' in it, but 'AP English' does."  I love this observation!  However, I would also like to point out that I assign each person at least one lifesaver for use just about every day.  Sure, some days I pit you against one another, but that just makes you stronger, braver, and smarter people.